As cliché as it sounds, falling in love can turn your world upside down, changing your plans (hopefully for the better). But for every great emotion, there is an equal and opposite emotion that can result. Just as you can fall in love with someone you think is your soulmate, you can also fall out of love with that same person. If you have been in this place before or are finding yourself in this murky situation now, there are strong indicators to look for that can help you determine if you are falling out of love with your partner. Woman's Day spoke to therapists, relationship coaches, authors, and lawyers who share eight signs that suggest you may be falling out of love with your significant other.
If you are spending less time with your partner, thinking about someone else, and/or feeling apathetic towards your relationship, it may mean that you and your partner aren't right for each other. This doesn't mean that all is lost, though. As relationship therapist Susan Edelman says, “Most of these signs are fixable. You just have to be willing to openly discuss each issue and show you care enough to change the behavior.” There are also lot of resources out there to help couples rekindle their love, from therapy to counseling. But if you decide that you are no longer in love with your partner, it's best to tell them ASAP — for their sake and for yours, too.
Being honest with your partner about how you are feeling can be a scary conversation, but relationship therapist Jaime Bronstein, LCSW reminds us: "Don’t let fear stop you from following your heart." After all, "not all relationships are supposed to last forever, but by hanging on to one that is not meant to, you will be preventing yourself from finding the one that will," explains relationship coach and author of You Only Fall in Love Three Times, Kate Rose. You have to trust your gut and know that there is a twin flame for you out there somewhere. You may just have to take the plunge and leave your current relationship to pursue the one meant for you. So, if you are unsure about whether you are still in love with your significant other, read through these signs about falling out love to become more in tune with what you may be feeling.
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1
You spend less time with your partner.
If you and your partner have kids, then finding free time to schedule a date night can be a rare occasion. This, however, doesn't mean that you are falling out of love. But if that free time does pop up during a given week or weekend and you would prefer to hit the town with your best friends rather than spend time with your S.O., that could be a strong sign you are not as in love with them anymore.
Neuropsychologist, psychotherapist, and NYS licensed psychologist Zonya Mitchell, PsyD elaborates on this point. "When we start to fall out of love, the healthy space we often give our partners turns to looking for other things to do; staying late at work, at a party, anything to lessen the time we have to spend with them."
Therapist and clinical mental health counselor Masharat Mujib, MCH-LP, agrees with Mitchell and adds that if there is "no desire to spend time with each other, this decreases intimacy/friendship in a relationship." And without that desire to be together, your love and deeper connection consequently begin to wane.
2
You don't have sex.
Lois Liberman, who specializes in matrimonial and family law, tells Woman's Day, "If you haven’t had sex in a year, there’s probably a problem. Either they’re getting it elsewhere or they’ve fallen out of love." Be mindful of the reasons why you and your partner don’t want to have sex and try to pinpoint them. Physical intimacy is a key part of a healthy, loving relationship, so if these reasons can’t be worked through, it might be that you’re falling out of love.
Rose adds on to Liberman's point and explains, "Couples who are in healthy, satisfying relationships will want to engage in sex, but it goes beyond that to enjoying the act of physical touch. This has to do with the space of emotional, mental, and physical intimacy that exists in a connection. The deeper the connection then the more physical touch will routinely become a part of a relationship, but once that intimacy no longer exists that space no longer feels safe or comforting and so there will be a distance in the relationship."
3
You have more negative thoughts than positive thoughts.
It's perfectly normally to have negative thoughts about your partner from time to time as no one is perfect. But if your thoughts about your partner have become predominantly negative, this can signify a shift in your relationship.
"If you take it even further and find that you are speaking negatively about your partner to others or constantly complaining about them, chances are you are falling out of love," says Mitchell.
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4
You’ve stopped thinking of them when you’re not together.
Early on in a relationship, you can’t stop thinking about your significant other. And while its normal for some of that excitement to wear off, forgetting to factor your partner into decisions could be a sign of trouble. “You might think, how can I focus on going to work and raising kids when I’m thinking about my partner all the time?” says Edelman. "But consistently taking a partner into consideration is how people stay in love for a long time.”
Rose adds that one of the very first signs you may be falling out of love with your partner is that they are no longer the first person you want to tell about something that happened during your day. "Whether it is because they feel like they are being judged or even just not fully accepted, that emotional distance in communication is often one of the first signs that the relationship is ending."
5
You feel apathetic or annoyed.
When you begin a relationship with someone, each of your quirks eventually come out in the open. These habits can often be cute, endearing, and maybe even attractive to your partner. But if you begin to become annoyed by these tendencies so much so that you even get into fights over them, it suggests a shift.
While fighting can be normal part of a relationship (unless the fighting turns into physical, verbal, mental, or emotional abuse), there is a difference between engaging in a two-sided argument where both partners' feelings are heard, and finding yourself not even caring enough to vent. " If one stops caring and starts holding onto hurt feelings, this can be a sign of apathy. Love and hate are strong emotions but indifference is a the most tell-tale sign that a lover has stopped caring all together," explains Mitchell. After all, "It takes two people to be on the battlefield," says Bronstein.
6
At least one person seems distant and unhappy.
Bronstein places great emphasis on being honest with yourself and your current state of happiness within the relationship. If you no longer want to connect or talk as much, or answer questions quickly and curtly, these are all strong indicators that you are unhappy in the relationship. "It can be a depression of sorts," says Bronstein. That said, it's paramount to honor your happiness and walk away from someone that doesn't make you happy. "Very simply, if you aren’t happy then they aren’t the one."
Mitchell also stresses that staying in a situation where you are unhappy can lead to mental or physical issues. It is vital to tend to your needs by choosing to live a happy life. "This can be achieved by not settling for your circumstances and taking control by trying to change negative situations or removing yourself."
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7
You’re checked out.
Once you check out of a relationship, you stop trying to find ways to improve the situation and just accept the less-than-perfect state as status quo. That’s a red flag for your partner, who may not know what they’ve done wrong, explains Edelman.
While Edelman says most of these signs can be fixed when recognized early enough, if you’re completely unmotivated to make a change or even discuss the issues, your heart may be too far gone to potentially fall back in love. "If one partner is looking to fix and the other partner isn’t interested then I think the decision has been made," says Liberman. Another you sign you have "checked out" of your relationship is that you no longer have future plans or goals to grow as a couple, explains Mujib. Both are strong indicators that your heart and head lie elsewhere.
8
You're thinking about someone else.
“If you find yourself thinking about your ex or someone else is more suited for you, that’s a huge indicator,” says Bronstein. And “if you are spending a lot of time in this place, that’s definitely an indication.” While thinking about someone else is different from actively engaging in an affair, persistent thoughts about a former lover or someone else who has entered your life are still a sign that you and your current partner aren't the right fit for each other. Mujib also points out that it would be healthier for a couple to break up rather than stay together if either of you have fallen in love with someone else.
In term of cheating, Bronstein explains that it can be a case by case situation. Sometimes being with someone else may confirm your love for your partner, other times it may affirm your thoughts that someone else is better suited for you. Cheating is a harmful, complicated situation, but the silver-lining is that a step away can help you realize you already have found your soulmate — or it can force you to let go of a relationship that, deep down, you know no longer works.
Mackenzie Dunn
Commerce Manager, Home & Lifestyle
Mackenzie is the Home & Lifestyle Commerce Manager at Hearst, working across multiple brands to make informed product recommendations to readers. She has been writing and editing for over 5 years with bylines in The Spruce, MyDomaine, Shape, Instyle, Editorialist, and more.
Elizabeth Berry
Updates Editor
Elizabeth Berry (she/her) is the Updates Editor at the Good Housekeeping Institute where she optimizes lifestyle content across verticals. Prior to this role, she was an Editorial Assistant for Woman’s Day where she covered everything from gift guides to recipes. She also has experience fact checking commerce articles and holds a B.A. in English and Italian Studies from Connecticut College.
FAQs
How do you know if you fall out of love? ›
Besides no longer getting excited to spend time together, you may find yourself flat-out avoiding your partner. You may stay late at work, see movies or eat dinner by yourself, or even take the long way home to avoid being with your partner for a moment longer than you have to.
At what point do you fall out of love? ›Signs you're falling out of love
You're less interested in spending time with them. You feel more comfortable apart than you feel together. You're thinking about them less and less. They start to feel like a burden.
- You don't worry about them as much. ...
- You're no longer proud to be with them. ...
- You're constantly comparing them to others. ...
- Physical intimacy is a thing of the past. ...
- You don't plan dates. ...
- Your relationship is not up-leveling. ...
- You stay with someone for their own well-being.
If you find yourself totally disinterested in what your partner thinks, feels, says or does, it's likely that loving feeling is gone. Arzt adds people who “only do the bare minimum” may be falling out of love. “They may oblige with date night, but they feel restless and bored,” she says.
Can you fall back in love with someone you fell out of love with? ›Is it possible to stay in love for the long-haul or fall back in love after falling out of it? You may be surprised that the overwhelming answer for many in the scientific community is YES. Real, lasting love is possible.
What causes people to fall out of love? ›Communication issues and unrealistic expectations are two of the main reasons people find themselves falling out of love. But there are things that can be done to stop the fall. Relationships are hard work; they should be viewed as investments, particularly if there is a marriage.
What does feeling out of love feel like? ›Falling out of love can be a very scary feeling. It might feel like having noticeably less interest in your partner and feeling less excited about spending time with them, even though you still care about them.
How do you know if he's not in love with you? ›- He's no longer affectionate with you.
- He spends a lot of time alone or out of the house.
- He doesn't really engage in conversation with you anymore.
- He's become closed off.
- He no longer goes out of his way to care for your relationship.
- Identify what's changed.
- Contentment When They're Absent. It can be normal in any relationship to experience happiness and positive emotions when you're not around your partner. ...
- Lack Of Communication. ...
- You Don't See A Future Together. ...
- Conversing With Your Partner. ...
- Moving On.
It can take the same amount of time to fall out of love as it does to go through one or more seasons in a year. Each individual is different, so it can take anywhere from 3-12 months to fall out of love.”
What is stonewalling in a relationship? ›
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
Does true love come back? ›Genuine love is profound—it does not come and go every now and then; it is something that is likely to last over time. This does not mean that love cannot fade away, but even when it does, it leaves some scars, or rather potential feelings that can flourish if and when the environment is conducive.
Can you ever stop loving someone you truly loved? ›While it may feel impossible and certainly takes time to stop loving someone, it's absolutely possible to do just that. In fact, you may find that in no longer loving this person you open yourself up to the possibility of loving others — and even yourself.
Is love is a choice or a feeling? ›Love is both a matter of choice and a strong feeling. While feelings can change over time, love is more stable. Even if you don't feel the same way you felt about someone at the beginning of a relationship, you can choose to stay with them even in the more difficult or boring times.
Can overthinking make you lose feelings? ›Obsessing over little things and situations can impact your mood and dent your self-esteem. In fact, even your partner can feel your constant anxiety and discomfort at times. You might end up not being in tune with your true emotions and struggle to create a deep bond with someone.
Does falling out of love mean the end? ›It varies from person to person. Unfortunately, falling out of love can happen in some relationships too. Falling out of love with your partner can happen quickly or over a long period of time depending on the nature of your relationship. Still, these feelings do not necessarily mean your relationship must end.
Why people stop loving their partner? ›There are many reasons why you may decide to stop loving someone—perhaps your feelings aren't returned, or maybe your partner repeatedly acts in ways that are against your best interests. Whatever the grounds, pulling away from someone you held such strong feelings for is never easy.
How do I stop falling out of love? ›- Stay connected. Falling in love is easy. ...
- Give thanks. The secret to staying together is not about being similar in interests and personality. ...
- Take stock. Sit down regularly to clear the air. ...
- Look back. Recollecting special memories is of equal importance. ...
- Express affection.
"A healthy relationship will allow both partners to thrive, learn and grow — both separately and together." If you're in love with your partner, then you'll never feel limited or held back from trying new things. However, if you're merely comfortable, then chances are you'll settle for routine over new opportunities.
How do I know someone is using me? ›They may expect you to listen to them, but not be willing to hear what you have to say. In a relationship, being used might involve selfishness and disinterest in your needs. It may also involve someone only being interested in a sexual relationship while refusing to make any other type of emotional commitment.
How to make a man miss you? ›
- Deliberately leave things behind. ...
- Give him some personal space. ...
- Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
- Take things slow. ...
- Wear a unique perfume. ...
- Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
- Have adventures with him (and your friends)
Difference between love and attachment
Love evokes fond feelings and actions toward the other person, particularly. Attachment is driven by how you feel about yourself with the degree of permanence and safety someone gives you, based on your past relationships.
Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.
What shows he loves me? ›Many times, the true signs are in the little things like his body language, the way he prioritizes you, or when he goes out of his way to try to make you happy. Other signs he loves you are that he asks for your opinion on things and he says nice things about you.
Can love fade away and come back? ›Just as love and attraction can fade, they can also be rekindled with time, effort, and patience—so long as both partners are willing to put the work in.
What does falling out of love feel like? ›Falling out of love can be a very scary feeling. It might feel like having noticeably less interest in your partner and feeling less excited about spending time with them, even though you still care about them.
Is falling out of love normal in a relationship? ›The passionate months and years of first love don't always stick around. Relationships change and evolve over time and that's perfectly normal. But sometimes couples fall out of love too. We explore the questions, difficulties, and outcomes when this happens.
What causes you to fall out of love? ›Communication issues and unrealistic expectations are two of the main reasons people find themselves falling out of love. But there are things that can be done to stop the fall. Relationships are hard work; they should be viewed as investments, particularly if there is a marriage.
How do you get the spark back in a broken relationship? ›- Use your relationship polarity to your advantage. ...
- Be physical to help intimacy grow. ...
- Be curious about your partner. ...
- Innovate and give the relationship your best effort. ...
- Use your voice as a powerful tool for building intimacy. ...
- Learn how to control your emotions. ...
- Defuse conflict with fun.
- He's no longer affectionate with you.
- He spends a lot of time alone or out of the house.
- He doesn't really engage in conversation with you anymore.
- He's become closed off.
- He no longer goes out of his way to care for your relationship.
- Identify what's changed.
Can you suddenly feel out of love? ›
However, it is not uncommon sometimes that people fall “out of love” even after they find that special someone. It is completely natural and there can be dozens of reasons why your loving feelings towards someone can change and the love diminishes even though you once felt so deeply passionate about this person.
How do you tell if you are being used? ›- The person asks you for money, favors, or other items. ...
- The person imposes on you without consideration for your availability or preferences. ...
- The person expects you to take care of their needs. ...
- The person appears disinterested in you after their needs have been met.
In fact, researchers found that men thought about confessing love six weeks earlier, on average, than women. The general consensus among studies on love is that men fall in love faster than women.
How long does it take to fall out of love? ›It can take the same amount of time to fall out of love as it does to go through one or more seasons in a year. Each individual is different, so it can take anywhere from 3-12 months to fall out of love.”